enjoy the Professional Football League (PFL)

So 2K doesn't have official NFL rights? No problem. There have been lots of classic video games with similar problems, from Bases Loaded (the golden standard for made-up teams and players) to Double Dribble (you may remember that the Los Angeles mascot was supposed to be a Lake, even though they couldn't call themselves the Lakers, and it looked like a blue penis). As a professional writer, I would like to offer my services in coming up with generic team names and uniforms to mirror every official NFL franchise.

N. Conference (not NFC... just N.)

EAST

Philadelphia Phreedom [COLORS: red, white, and blue]
Dallas Gauchos [rawhide brown]
New York New Jerseyites [garbage green, toxic gas gray]
Washington Offensive Stereotypes [full indian garb]

NORTH

Green Bay Angioplasties [lard yellow, red]
Detroit Ghosts of Barry Sanders [gray, disappearing blue]*
Chicago Polish Sausage [ a hodgepodge of browns, reds, and assorted specs]
Minnesota Norsemen [battle axe gray, The Sword blood red]

SOUTH

Atlanta Annoying Rappers [over-used gold, diamond, black]
Carolina Smooth Flavors [Laramie white & gold]
New Orleans Sean Penns [self-serving glowing white, bleeding heart pink]**
Tampa Bay Chest-High Pants [light yellow pants, flowery tops]

WEST

Arizona Failures [letdown lime]
St. Louis Arches [silver]
Seattle Bald and Overcompensating Quarterbacks [shiny flesh, testosterone blue]
San Francisco / Santa Clara / Pennsauken John Taylors [monographed picture of JT]*

*I think retired players are fair game here. They're not under contract.
** Just kidding. I loved you in Hurlyburly.

A. Conference (Allocated? Alonquin? just not AFC)

EAST

New England Revolutionaries [musket gray, lots of red]
Buffalo Put The Lotion in the F---ing Baskets [flesh, red]
Miami Dead Castros [drab olive, snuffed-out cigar brown]
New York Planes [jerseys show intact twin towers] ... too soon?

NORTH

Baltimore Edgar Allen Poe Short Story Collections [black]
Cincinnati Jail Tigers [black and white stripes]
Pittsburgh Chins [black & gold]***
Cleveland Blues [depressing lake-on-fire blue]

SOUTH

Indianapolis Media Whores [green, gold]
Tennesee Tuskegee Ticklers [taupe]
Jacksonville Jackals [gold, uninspiring purple]
Houston Texans -wait, this generic and boring name is already being used? ughhh...
Houston Oilers [light blue, red] I miss those classic unis. If this is still copyrighted, why not...
Houston Enrons [gold, shredded white]

WEST

Denver Omelets [yellow, pepper green, tomato red, ham pink]
(I totally don't know if that's the right way to make them)
San Diego We Don't Give a F--ks [disinterested beige, how's the surf blue]
Kansas City At Least We're Not the Royals [not blue]
Oakland Mustachoied Mexicans With Pickup Trucks Blasting Rap Who Think They're Tough and Don't Know How to Drive [black]***

*** I think the official team colors are needed here, even if that's too close to infringement.

You're welcome, 2K.

UPDATE : I invite others to get in on this. Seriously, it's fun as hell. Maybe if we get enough entries, we can vote on each city and send the winners to 2K. And if we come up with similar ones accidentally (as Stev I and already did), well, that's just more of a sign that they are worth using. I mean, when you hear the phrase Buffalo Bill(s), and you're like us, what the hell else are you going to think of?

Also, upon further thought, I think there should be a team (Minnesota or other) just known as The Sword. That would be fun to call. "And the possession goes back to The Sword. Manning just couldn't cut through that Sword defense." HEYO!

And I didn't mean anything offensive for the Raiders. It's purely tongue-in-cheek. I don't harbor any negative thoughts on any of the many minorities out here.... unless they're bad drivers. Sadly, mostly everyone, white or other, seems to be so. And if you don't like that, well, it's still not as bad as Redskins.