Thursday Morning Ranterback

Take a moment to refect on the current standings. If the playoffs started today, here is what the NFC would look like:

1. Cowboys
2. Packers
3. Panthers
4. Seahawks (only 3-3, but the division sucks)
5. Giants
6. Lions tied with Redskins (with Buccaneers close behind)

What is this, 1995?

Last year's three best teams (Bears, Saints, Eagles) are all out. The NFC thus has a lot of turnover. Is this good balance? Or did everyone just really suck last year? I don't know. But it's worth noting as we get closer to the halfway point.

In the AFC, things are more predictable. Pats and Colts on top, Steelers looking good, although the Chiefs are in first place right now. Didn't see that one, but there's time left. Both the Jags and Titans would be in, giving the South Division a rare playoff monopoly. I don't expect half of these teams to hold up, but they have a nice start.

Some random thoughts for week 8:

Someone please let Andy Reid know that playing Minnesota should not be so hard: stack 8 men in the box. Hell, stack 9. Do whatever you can to stop the run, because THEY CANNOT PASS THE BALL. It's obvious. You may wonder why I'm saying this when super-rookie Adrian Peterson is carrying my fantasy team.... well, chances are, Reid isn't listening to anyone anymore. Especially not reason.

The Eagles killed the Lions and the Lions beat the Bears, and the Bears nipped the Eagles in the end. I think the NFC has parity, so at least everyone should have a shot. Just not the Rams.

Or Falcons.

Or Vikings, as long as people play them right. Why wouldn't you just stick everyone on the line of scrimmage? Make them throw every play and you can win by 30. Seriously, I'm keeping Peterson in my lineup because I know I'm going to see Reid go with a prevent D on Sunday and he runs through it.

I'm a little disappointed that Dallas has the week off, because Stev has TO and Romo carrying his team and I needed a reason to drive to Texas and chop off some legs with an axe. Actually, you never need a reason for that, but I'm too lazy.

So much for that 49ers "We're a playoff dark horse!" bandwagon. Simmons called it. Of course, he also said that Atlanta would be a playoff team and Tampa sucked.

I really hope Arizona goes 7-9 and makes the playoffs. It could happen.

I'd root for Detroit, but I know they're going to disappoint me at some point. The one thing they never disappoint in is being disappoitning.

With all the Colts-Pats talk, I'd like to remind people that the Steelers could easily be 6-0 right now. Their two losses were pretty baffling, and they almost pulled them off anyway. What's going on with them when they go to the Mountain Time Zone? Any other place and they look great.

San Diego is pulling it together, but they never should have dumped Marty. They'll be okay because the division sucks, but they have not had good coaching.

Frank Wychek Update: still empty inside.

At least the Dolphins can finally draft a QB high and not have to keep searching for unknowns.... nine years too late.

The mayors of Alta Loma and Pennsauken met this week. They bartered to wager one box of ash-covered palm tree branches vs. an autographed card of native John Taylor for the game. The yard refuse was deemed slightly more valuable, but whatever.

Tuesday Morning Ranterbackacacacacacacacac

The saying is that week one is crazy, week two makes more sense, and by week 3, we have a good idea of what's happening. Teams that start 0-3 or 3-0 usually keep heading that direction. Well, as exemplified by our pickings this week, we still we really don't know what the f$ is going on.

As I've said before, I think I have picked less than 20 % of the games correctly involving the Eagles or Saints since the beginning of last season. Suddenly, I'm not so pissed at not getting Drew Brees. The Birds finally got on track after I picked them not to, natch, and Kevin Curtis went from killing me to mocking me after I sat him and he had one of the best days EVER by a receiver. But are they really back, or does Detroit just suck on D?

That's really my concern with this season. Nothing is certain as of yet. There are a few teams that we know are good: New England, Indy, Dallas, Green Bay, Pittsburgh. There are a few that we know are bad: New Orleans (for now), Miami, Buffalo, Atlanta. Everyone else? No clue. And some of those aforementioned teams could reverse themselves quickly if dramatic things happen.

So that's where I am right now... completely lost.

Some random thoughts:

1. I would buy a throwback Eagles jersey, but for those colors, they had better be selling it at a good price. Did they really wear that in the depression 30's? It looked like a 60's experiment when everyone was tripping.

2. Experts are now reasoning that the Saints lucked out last year on a bad division and loads of energy and emotion. Thus, we should not be so surprised if they aren't as good as we thought. So why then did so many of them have the Saints in the Super Bowl in their preseason predictions? I know 90 % of them at least had them winning the division.

3. Larry Johnson, Stephen Jackson, and LaDanian Tomlinson are killing the business.... and lots of dreams.

4. Rexy is not sexy. Dallas has a decent run defense but their secondary is a little shaky, and the Bears did NOTHING to expose that. This is going to get ugly fast.

5. Between Jacksonville, Houston, and Tennessee, the AFC south is suddenly much better, but who knows how these teams really are?

6. I like Jason Campbell, even after I dumped him in my unending search for a backup QB. He's got poise. POISE! He made a great comeback last week, and it wasn't his fault that they screwed it up. He scares me for the future of the NFC east.

7. San Diego keeps screwing up, and it was especially bad Sunday because the Packers made some terrible plays as well and still won. They had 4th and goal on the inch line... a QB sneak or simple run would do it, and they spread out wide for a shotgun pass play. It didn't work. Those are the kind of stupid plays that get coaches fired. But they still won! Alas, poor Norv, I knew him well.

8. College football is dead to me.

9. Quick non-football thought: during the Ahmenijidad (sp?, I guess) press conference, I kept picturing Borat saying, "In my country, we are more advanced now... homosexuals no longer must wear blue hat."

10. Seriously, I hate so many head coaches right now. Bill Simmons has always pointed out how many bad plays are called and how many terrible people are in important positions in a league that makes billions of dollars and is home to the best of the best of the best for athletes. I'd agree, but then how did they get hired? There are only 32 openings and hundreds of people trying to get in. Maybe it's just really hard to coach in the NFL.

Prove me wrong, Norv!

Tuesday Morning Ranterback

ESPN has a weekly column called Tuesday Morning Quarterback, where a Brookings Fellow (that's a high honor, apparently) writes a long and windy football cloumn with references to military experiments, Haikus, sci-fi cable shows, political policy, and just for kicks, lots of scantily clad cheerleaders. Why can't we do that? Put together, we have five degrees (almost) in a variety of subjects. Danno can handle the history / politcial / military madness, Stev knows all the nerd fests, and I can supply the angry football ranting. As I will now. ESPN, you should be paying us.

First off, I'd like to be the millionth person to send hate the way of Bill Simmons and Colin Cowherd, amnogst other pigskin prognosticators. They managed to convince me that maybe Joey Harrington wasn't a terrible quarterback... maybe he could even do good in Atlanta with no pressure, decent runners, and a good offensive system. BULLOCKS! He's been worse than Vick, and they suck. I thought he would be a clever late round pick in fantasy who could get me some unexpected points. Now I have to cross my fingers with the likes of Jeff Garcia, Josh McCown, and Jay Cutler. ughhhhhh......

Secondly, I just called Houston the worst-run team in the league in my preview and they're already one win away from my projected season total for them. That's no good. Matt Schaub, the pride of West Chester (it's the best Chester!), is looking good and they actually have some players on D.

Detroit is surprising me as well, though I can't tell if they can really keep this going, especially if they have to rely on a guy named J.T. O' Sullivan, who should have a sports bar (or really any bar, tavern, or eating estbalishment with beverages of a refreshing nature served) named after himself immediately.


I'm terrified of picking any more Saints games because I don't want them to kill me like they did last year. Were they that good? Are they that bad now? I was furious at not getting Brees... now Eli is housing him in fantasy points.


I'm also terrified of picking any more games involving Cinncinatti. How the f--- do you give up 51 points to Cleveland? The Cavs scored less than that in the NBA finals. Every game they play could be 56-67, only I can't tell who will win.

Of course, I'm ignoring the most obvious bad news and it is right in our homeland. The Eagles are 0-2 and look like shite. Actually, it's really only the offense who looks bad. The defense has been pretty steady and most of the points given up are on the failures of offense (ball control) and special teams (that first week). I was worried about the front seven, before the season, but they haven't been too bad. The defensive backfield has been good as well, although the safeties, as Stev pointed out, allowed some long passes last night. William James made a good pick but also got beat a couple times. He's a nice nickel back but they need Lito and Sheldon in there.

But my god, the offense looks bad. They're basically relying on Westbrook to bail them out of everything. I know it's easy to trash Donovan, and with his curious comments this week, he's going to get NAILED in the press.

Much like this sympathetic Onionista, I feel for him. I really do. He's had to put up with a lot of crap over the years while not having a ton of weapons. But he just does NOT look good right now. He missed a lot of open people, he can't scramble that much anymore (which is a big relief to opposing defenses - they used to keep an extra linebacker in there to watch him), and he doesn't look sharp in his throwing. Look, it usually takes at least a full year to recover from major knee surgery. He had it at the middle of last season. He admits that he's not at 100 %, but he's probably way lower than he thinks.

Also, his receivers are not getting open. I thought they were decent, and last season, I figured he had the best receving core of his career, besides the TO year.... but now I'm not so sure. Donte Stallworth had some speed, and no one has filled that. Early last year, the Eagles had the opposite of problems, doing well on offense while sputtering a little on D. McNabb was getting long balls to Stallworth and Hank "Put The Lotion in the" Baskett with ease. Now, nothing. Kevin Curtis dropped that pass at the end, which was catchable - despite him being drilled - so he will incure some wrath in Philly this week.

In all, this looks bad, especially with the Cowboys scoring a lot, and my confidence is not too high. We can take heart, however, in one simple fact: the Eagles have a habit of starting slow. Last year, they were good but a bit inconsistent in the first half. When McNabb got hurt, I though they were surely done for, but they simplified the playbook, stepped up on D, and rallied around Jeff Garcia to win the division. In 2002, they were good for the first half but stepped up big in the second half (with a tough schedule) with A. J. Feeley stepping in. In 2003, you may remember, they started out 0-2 by getting DESTROYED at home twice, lost big to the Cowboys, and needed a miracle punt return by Westbrook just to beat the Giants. Well, they ended up with 12 wins that year. So at least the precedent has been set before where they start out poorly, everyone thinks the Cowboys are going to run away with the division, and then they come back strong in the second half.

You may notice that in two of those years, they rallied around a backup QB. Does that mean they don't trust McNabb? No, it means they do better when they simplify things. Right now, with him still hurting, they need to do that. Their defense is okay, so they need to get the running game going and not stress him out. They did that last season with Garcia in, and it worked. I've always liked Andy Reid but I'm gettting a little sick of his stubborn play calling. ESPN showed a graphic last night of how often he chose passing plays vs. the run. He was way higher than other coaches over the past few years, and lately, even higher than that. WHY? This is not the time to have McNabb throwing it every play! Last year, he let Marty Morningwheg, who was a good coordinator in San Francisco, simplify things for Garcia. Why not now? Clearly, McNabb isn't in full game, so why keep treating him like he can handle it????

I have faith in them turning it around, because they've done it before, but it won't happen unless Reid settles the f**K down. I'm wondering how long it will be before people start clamoring for McNabb to be benched or traded.... oh wait, that started at 12:35 AM Eastern time. Fantastic. I can't wait to be in Philly when the Eagles bye week is up and people are ready to storm Joe banner's office.
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[Hey, the Steelers are back! Considering how stupid Baltimore and Cinncy look, they're a lock now. So that's nice.]